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How To Make Your Next Period Metal As Fuck

Ughhh it just hit me like a ton of bricks! The cramping, lower spine dragging me to oblivion, and it wasn’t even the beginning. Every time this happens I  implement the step-by-step method to: A) Make my period METAL AS FUCK!!! — therefore tolerable, and at certain times enjoyable. And B) Get me back in the game (cause being MIA over my server cramps isn’t on my schedule).

Now you’re probably wondering, “how do you make your period ‘metal’?” Well first thing’s first:

METAL!!!!

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Another reason to love metal, it can properly describe things happening inside of my vagina and what I feel like doing to people’s faces. Metal bands that use violent fantasy lyrics are key when choosing what I listen to. Bands like Cannibal Corpse, Infant Annihilator, Goatwhore, Exhumed, Deathgrave, Ghoul… anything with dismemberment, disembowelment, or just plain death will do. Something I can scream to (scream with). If I’m feeling REALLY nasty… Fister (for my slow, groggy “fuck off” mood) or anything doom/crust metal that drags and bleeds like my uterine wall.

Anything beyond that… I just need blood curdling screams.

HORROR / GORY  MOVIES & CHOCOLATE

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Before it really hits, I’m probably in a shit mood and I don’t even know it’s coming unless I want chocolate and continue to watch gory horror films. I mean… BLOODY. Hellraiser I and II are my classic favorites to start with. More recently I’ve been watching Indonesian fight films on Netflix. Favorites like The Night Comes For Us and Headshot really satisfy my sudden bloodlust.

Others like Only  God Forgives do the job too. I figure, “Hey if I’m gonna bleed… I want to see everyone bleed too.” It helps for some sick, twisted reason. Really distracts from the horrors in my uterus. I love eating a terrible amount of chocolate while watching horror films too. If I sense it coming on, I’ll go out and get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to smash (already bloated so who cares).

Next up…

WEEEEEEEED (THC products and pain killers)

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I’m talking about that heavy grade shit (on both sides). I definitely need that hardcore 1000MG dose with a 28% THC (or higher) Sativa Dominant Hybrid chaser. Getting painkillers doesn’t need too much effort. Getting the best strain takes a little energy and time. My favorite strains would be (honestly, whatever I could manage to get but if I had a choice) Dream Queen, Blue Dream, Blue Haze, Tangerine Dream, Dream Cookies, and Gelato.

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The next thing I would need is my handy dandy Hemp Rub. I feel like everyone should have hemp rub. No, it doesn’t get you stoned. It just heals pain in an instant. It’s great after a long day working in Dr. Martens (9 hours in the Jagger boots… oy!). Mixing it up with body cream for my feet is heaven. But dabbing it on my pelvic area and lower back is key for a faster recovery time.

You’ll need your strength for the…

BLOOD RITUAL

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Yes witchy bitches I didn’t forget about you! We tend to save our mynstrual blood for rituals and bring more power to our altars and mynifestations. Having a glass jar in the bathroom is handy (with a lid… !!!) to hover over. I’ve heard of others using their tampons and “getting the blood out” somehow??? They weren’t too specific on that, but it seemed interesting enough. Using the blood for writing your intentions, wants/desires, or just having it around gives more power to your actions. Anything done in blood is always sacred. But with your own, sends a message of blatant willingness to self sacrifice for what you want — one of the most carnal energies of all. Mixing that with Divine Feminine Energy… too good to pass up.

Alright! Well there you have it. My personal and favorite ways to metal out with my period. Do you do any of these things? If so, let me know! If you’ve tried any of these things or know of something that I should try, leave a comment! Don’t forget to subscribe and follow MFKNZINE on social media!

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