What do you do about a problematic white friend who doesn’t care about racism? The answer seems simple enough, until you’re in that situation and you don’t want to lose that friend. I, myself have had to check a few friends for their “Kool-Aid” and “Fried Chicken” jokes back in high school, but it was hard. I didn’t feel readily comfortable making waves (back then) especially if it meant losing a friendship. I know some of you are out there feeling the same way. You think of all the good times you had with this person and how many times you’ve busted a rib laughing with them… but if they don’t listen to your concerns, they were never really your friend in the first place. Also… what kind of friend makes racist jokes at you? The fuck.
Prime example. My BEST friend, my ride AND die (lol!), we were friends for years. From Junior High all the way into adulthood this chick was my main friend. Until… I saw this “not-very-funny” meme that she posted. I’m not sure why this needs to be said, but I’ll say it… “negro” is not an acceptable way to describe black people. It never was. The meme had offended me… greatly, to say the least. So I messaged her about it. Right then and there, I had realized that I’ve been keeping a racist as a friend. She didn’t give one single solitary fuck that the meme was inappropriate or how it made me feel… until I deleted her ass. Then it was… “I’m sorry”… “Let’s talk”… “I have a fur coat, do you want it?”. She really tried everything. Even added me on Facebook with her NEW profile. Ha! You thought. I had to ditch her. There was no way I could be friends with someone who clearly did not care about problematic, racist stuff.
Another one. My OTHER ex best friend (pattern much?) who I was friends with since 2009. He and I were thick as thieves. The kind of friend that makes gifs out of my ridiculous facial expressions (which he has no right to anymore cause fuck em). It was strange how he acted around his new roommates. Looking back, I don’t remember him saying anything like this at all (cause I would have remembered checking him for it). After he moved, he started making the idiotic “Kool-Aid” and “Fried Chicken” jokes at me. Him and his roommates would try and touch my hair (you do, you get hurt, plain and simple, you can be my own mother #IDGAF). Even worse, I had lived with him practically rent-free so I didn’t feel like I could say anything until one day…. I really just… couldn’t take it anymore.
Some of you are even DATING a problematic white person. I did. He was SUPER racist, but claimed that he wasn’t cause he had “that one hispanic friend” and me, his “black girlfriend”. Right when I started going natural, he made fun of my hair, calling it a “poodle’s ass”. I wanted to wear a scarf on my head, then he said that “his dad would call me a sand n****r if I showed up like that”. But in reality… HE was calling me that. And if he actually cared for me, he would have stood up for me instead (if that was even the case). It wasn’t just racial, he loved calling men with long hair “f****ts”. He’s done muuuch, much worse (including rape) but THAT’S another story… and a long overdue police report.
It’s not just the verbal insults. It’s blackface. It’s cultural appropriation. It’s supporting Jeffree Star when we KNOW he’s a blatant racist (the only black friends he has are the ones he PAINTED BLACK). It’s pretending that you didn’t hear or see what happened so it’s not your problem. It’s following me in Walgreens when I’m just trying to look at nail polish (Back the fuck up bitch! Damn). It’s all the things that non-problematic white people are sick of.
Problematic white friends are far too common amongst… well… everyone else, including OTHER white people… imagine that. So what do you do about it? If you’re in Junior High/High School you always think of the consequences of YOUR actions rather than weeding out bad friends. Trust me, you’re not going to be talking to half of your High School friends in about 5 years, so… why keep the bad ones? As an adult, you’ll be more prone to cutting people off for the right reasons.
If you have a friend or someone in your life that’s clearly a problematic white person, try and talk them out of being a PWP. Then, watch them. If they defend being a piece of shit, you have your answer. If they try to see the error of their ways, and start making an effort to being less of a PWP, then great!
In life, you really only need a good handful of people around. There’s no need to keep trash.
As the saying goes: If you’re not a part of the solution… you’re probably a problematic white person.