If you’re the kind of person that likes to mix Valentine’s Day along with Halloween then you’re in the right place! Personally, I can’t stand romantic comedies, so I tend to watch romantic horror movies. Yes, there can be romance in a horror film. Sometimes you just have to look passed all of the blood, guts, and gore.
It’s always the quiet ones…
An outgoing, party girl and a smart, introverted guy strike up an unlikely romantic relationship. Seeing as she slept with a solid amount of classmates, his desire to keep everyone’s gums from flapping turns deadly. He honestly shouldn’t have cared, but as their relationship grows, so does his obsession to end their slut-shaming. Who says chivalry isn’t dead? (Don’t do any of the things you see in this film lol)
You Get Me (2017)
Hell hath no fury like a pissed off one night stand.
A one night stand after a break up is pretty common, but not like this. After a drunk fight with his girlfriend, a beautiful girl appears (in a badass car) to whisk him away on an adventure. Sounds like a no-brainer right? Well things start to get weird after he leaves her… to go back to his girlfriend (ouch, and also why you don’t go home with a guy you like that just broke up with their girlfriend). I’ve heard of keying a guy’s car but this is next level.
There’s more than one way to have an affair…
How far would you go to prove that your spouse was unfaithful? A doctor suspects her husband of cheating and hires a sex worker to seduce him… no really, this happens. There’s no complicated plot or a series of twists, but the sexual tension between Julianne Moore’s and Amanda Seyfried’s characters is… explicit. Highly recommended to all my girls who love girls (hey girl hey!), and to all that love twisted, erotic-thrillers.
Trash Fire (2016)
…and you think your family is fucked up?
Trash Fire is the perfect name for this movie, and this couple’s relationshit. Honestly, they should never have been together (if this sounds familiar… RUN). After finding out that she’s pregnant, Isabel tells her (fuckboy 2.0) boyfriend Owen. This doesn’t go so well, but it triggers a road trip to Owen’s mother’s house. That’s where the REAL disfunction begins. I can’t even articulate how deranged and dangerous this family is — they give a whole new meaning to “kill it with fire”.
Shrew’s Nest (2013)
*TRIGGER WARNING* SEXUAL ABUSE
You won’t wear out your welcome… until you try to leave.
Have you ever had an introvert day where you stayed in your pajamas and didn’t leave the house? Ever think about tying up your significant other so they could keep you company forever… and ever… and ever? Hopefully knot (ha!), but in this film we delve into the mind of an agoraphobic woman who finds herself taking care of a handsome, wounded stranger. She’s great at taking care of others, until she decides she doesn’t want them to leave.
Storage 24 (2011)
The most awkward breakup… ever.
Had a breakup this year? Sorry to hear that, but hey, that happens. If you’re trying to brighten your Valentine’s Day with a “well, at least this didn’t happen to me”, this is the perfect film for you. This movie starts off with the ending of the main character’s relationship with his longtime girlfriend. Cleaning out their shared storage unit, the two bump into each other for one last goodbye (embarrassingly in the company of their good friends of course). Then suddenly things take a different turn when they realize that they’re not alone among the storage units… or the universe.
Excuse me, I just broke every bone in my body… someone call this nurse.
This Nurse for the cure… for infidelity. Paz de la Huerta (my Goddess) stars as Abby, a loving caretaker by day, and a vengeful vixen by night. Amidst all of the cruel, but well-deserved carnage Abby develops a nasty crush on fellow nurse Danni. As Danni realizes the depths of Abby’s obsession, she starts to fear for her own safety… and her boyfriend’s.
Is she the woman you married, or someone else?
People tend to change, but usually not two days into your honeymoon, and certainly not like this. Paul and Bea are literally the cutest couple I’ve ever seen in a horror film (they make me gag; Bea gagged too). But after Bea is found sleepwalking in the woods, she starts acting… strange (the bad kind). A great film for soon-to-be’s and newly wedded couples as a cautionary, hellish tale.
Hellraiser I + II (1986/1987)
Netflix AND SHUDDER
Demonic Leather Daddy
A couple of classics are always a good choice for a candlelit night with your special someone. If you’ve actually seen the two films, there’s more than enough sexual tension to be had. Between Pinhead’s demonic affair with Julia (a sexually starved step-mother), all of the bloody good nudity throughout, not to mention another torrid affair you and your loved one will be ready to go before the end of Hellraiser I.
BONUS OPTION! The NEW Hellraiser is coming out ON Valentine’s Day!
So there you have it! If these don’t turn your Bloody Valentine’s Day into a Hellish night of passion, your relationship may be as dead as everyone in the films I had just suggested… (sorry lol) Pornhub has free premium videos today?
Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!